After a great deal of digging and CBS-style fact checking, I’ve discovered the official campaign strategy for the Kerry-Edwards ticket throughout the remainder of the race:

Tell everyone exactly what they want to hear and if we win (oh, please God!), we can blame congress for any promises we decide not to live up to.

I found the documents detailing the Kerry-Edwards plan when I found Jimmy Hoffa’s body inside Al Capone’s real vault. But seriously, as far as I can tell, this is actually the Kerry plan. That is the only way to rationally explain Kerry’s contorted statements. I could list the various sides Kerry has taken on either side of any given issue. I counted them once, but ran out of fingers and toes and had to borrow digits from an MBA classmate. He was a little perturbed at being asked to make his toes available in the middle of our Corporate Strategy class. But I figured that despite my desire for accuracy, it was just way too many fingers and toes to be bothered with.